Parenting Tips

No Playing!

NO PLAYING!!!

If you have ever interacted with us you know we play all the time. This though is about a game that only hurts everyone involved if you play it…

NEVER play the blame game.

Even if you are right. It saddens me that people resort to this with each other. If a project isn’t going so well, don’t blame the pieces. If the kids aren’t listening, try not to blame them.

Of course its the natural thing to do, they are acting up! Who else’s fault would it be? I wouldn’t argue that point. Because you would probably be right, maybe it is their fault..

Blaming them just frustrates you though, and makes them defensive. Especially since we know most kids are little balls of emotional time bombs. So even if it is, is telling them it is their fault going to help them find a better way to do it?

Generally no, because then they will fear what they did. I know, that was sort of the point right? So they wouldn’t do it again?

But those messages are almost always misunderstood by others, especially children. It makes it easy for them to fear the wrong parts of whatever they did and effect great things they did as well. Scared to run at all, scared to jump at all ect..

Adversely, if the child is one that craves attention, it could simply make them find more ways to make you blame them so you will put your energy towards them instead of other things.

Or just hide things from you and create gaps in your family relationship that can become canyons later that neither of you know how to cross. I mean that is what the government fine system for laws does to us. Ever got caught with a bad speeding ticket? Bet you still speed though, just not there am I right? Just let that sink in..

Don’t blame them, just keep finding other approaches until you find one that works. Because blaming never will. Find their motivators, find your motivators, and apply them. If nothing else do some searching, reach out for suggestions on dealing with tough behavior. Sure you will have to sift through a ton of terrible advice that makes you want to roll your eyes..

But you might find a process that works better for you!

It’s part of what we do here at our martial arts studio. Finding motivators and the things that work, and using them to help people and teaching them how to use it to help themselves as well!

That is why we say forever your #teammate. Because we won’t give up looking for a solution for you or your child until you don’t want us to look anymore..

And if you ever met me, you know once a problem or question is put to me, I’m like an obsessive hound dog 24/7 until I figure it out..

I’m here for you.

But blaming others is more about deflecting any amount of responsibility for what is going on than helping or changing the situation. Remember the difference between fault and responsibility. While something may be one persons fault who did something, it also may have been another persons responsibility to make sure it wasn’t done.

Such as yes it is your child’s fault probably for that *insert the thought that popped in your head here*. But until a certain age we as parents and a community have a responsibility for the consequences and for helping that child through there mistakes and find better ways without just making them feel worse and worse.

Because that just leads to more problems for them as adults. I know, I am one of those children that grew up being blamed for literally everything, whether I understood what it was or why or not.

And let me tell you, it did a real number on me and my coping abilities.

It is your responsibility as a parent to help your children learn, hold their attention, make doing better and making better decisions fun and interesting for them.

Make it something that everyone who ever meets you can feel comfortable no matter who they are, and so your kids can feel comfortable with you even if they feel terrible for doing wrong and disappointing you.

No one really wants their children to be scared of them THAT much.. Maybe a little, but I think you know what I mean. TOO much…

So if something happens, don’t blame it on someone you see at fault. Because as a parent, it was your responsibility to make sure it all turned out alright, and if it didn’t, don’t blame yourself either. Just make amends because you are human too and try something different.

Instead, think of what you can do to make the situation better, not for you, not for you to feel better, but make the entire situation better for everyone.

We aren’t talking about being the example of always being right, we know that isn’t what parenting or anything is about. We are talking about being the example of your best at all times, even if you don’t know something, made a mistake, or handled something poorly..

Being good role models of living LIFE with KAIZEN! (Constant Improvement)

 

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We are grateful!